Whirlwind of Activity
So it seems I've neglected my posting for a couple weeks. It always amazes me that so much time can pass so quickly. Let me bring you up to speed...
I had a court date Friday for the domestic violence suit against my estranged husband. We came to an agreement, and the suit was "voluntarily dismissed" which means our lawyers gave the judge papers instead of just waiting for her to dismiss it because I wasn't actually present to request a restraining order.
Long story.
So we're still on the week on/week off schedule until July unless something is resolved before that. Since I'm the only one with a job, joint custody means I pay child support. However, I'm reserving judgement on this situation and letting go of all these worries. Someone else is taking care of this for me now. I must say, what a relaxing feeling to know that God's got this, and I can just take a breath. I haven't had anything to do with God or church for several years, but it only took one person to explain it to me in terms I could understand.
Sundays are hard on me now. When I have to hand over my kids, it just leaves this empty feeling inside. Bobo was clingy all week, holding onto my legs at every step, staying in my lap as I worked on the computer, refusing to go into daycare at church (he sat with me in the sanctuary and played with my hair instead.) And when I put him in his daddy's car, he started to cry. I mean really cry, not whine, cry. It took everything I had not to burst into tears right then and there (I saved that for the ride home.) A friend talked me through it, reassuring me I had made the right decision and assuring me my children would not think this was a bad thing when they get old enough to understand. It hurts now though. When Say-say told his daddy that he had forgotten his car in mine, his daddy pulled over and came to get it. He asked what was wrong with Bobo "he hasn't stopped crying since you put him in the car." I tried to brush it off by saying he was fine, he'd made cookies this morning with Em (his cousin) and Say-say, but that he had been clingy all week. I told G- that Bobo just missed me. G-'s response? "I know the feeling."
But if you ask my mother? In her words, I've "made a 360 turn." (Yes, I know the term is 180, but Mom has her own way of talking : ) which we tend to just let go.) Several people have complimented me on my change in attitude. I'm happier, more in control of my life, nicer to everyone (including the kids which had been a terrible weight on my heart), I'm just an all-around content person now. As I said, I'm reserving judgement on the children situation, but I know it will work out for the best. Then I'll truly be able to start the rest of my life.
I had a court date Friday for the domestic violence suit against my estranged husband. We came to an agreement, and the suit was "voluntarily dismissed" which means our lawyers gave the judge papers instead of just waiting for her to dismiss it because I wasn't actually present to request a restraining order.
Long story.
So we're still on the week on/week off schedule until July unless something is resolved before that. Since I'm the only one with a job, joint custody means I pay child support. However, I'm reserving judgement on this situation and letting go of all these worries. Someone else is taking care of this for me now. I must say, what a relaxing feeling to know that God's got this, and I can just take a breath. I haven't had anything to do with God or church for several years, but it only took one person to explain it to me in terms I could understand.
Sundays are hard on me now. When I have to hand over my kids, it just leaves this empty feeling inside. Bobo was clingy all week, holding onto my legs at every step, staying in my lap as I worked on the computer, refusing to go into daycare at church (he sat with me in the sanctuary and played with my hair instead.) And when I put him in his daddy's car, he started to cry. I mean really cry, not whine, cry. It took everything I had not to burst into tears right then and there (I saved that for the ride home.) A friend talked me through it, reassuring me I had made the right decision and assuring me my children would not think this was a bad thing when they get old enough to understand. It hurts now though. When Say-say told his daddy that he had forgotten his car in mine, his daddy pulled over and came to get it. He asked what was wrong with Bobo "he hasn't stopped crying since you put him in the car." I tried to brush it off by saying he was fine, he'd made cookies this morning with Em (his cousin) and Say-say, but that he had been clingy all week. I told G- that Bobo just missed me. G-'s response? "I know the feeling."
But if you ask my mother? In her words, I've "made a 360 turn." (Yes, I know the term is 180, but Mom has her own way of talking : ) which we tend to just let go.) Several people have complimented me on my change in attitude. I'm happier, more in control of my life, nicer to everyone (including the kids which had been a terrible weight on my heart), I'm just an all-around content person now. As I said, I'm reserving judgement on the children situation, but I know it will work out for the best. Then I'll truly be able to start the rest of my life.
posted by Suzy Q @ 6:26 PM
1 Comments:
At 11:43 PM,
Karen said…
I would say the hands-down, the hardest thing about my divorce situation is when the children go with their father, and all the worries wrapped up in that. People keep telling me how resiliant children are, and I want to believe that. I almost do. But I know, too, that I'm not strong enough to completely carry them when they're with him, so I've had to let go a little. And when they're with me, I try to be completely there for them. It's all I can do. It will get easier one day for you.
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